wrigley field is MILF paradise
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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