One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
