i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Drake has all the answers
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
