That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
