She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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