if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
