I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize