I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
