k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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