it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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