So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
