I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize