Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
