JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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