just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
