When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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