oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
