I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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