So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
