dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
