He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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