Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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