what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
