is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
