i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
