he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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