And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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