How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
