Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
