At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
