He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
