Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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