I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
