i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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