I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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