my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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