you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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