my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
