So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
