After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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