Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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