I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
