My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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