Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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