i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
