I'm really into asian looking animals
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
