I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
