My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
