it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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