I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
