i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
