I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
