Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
