and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I CAN MOONWALK!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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