TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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