i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
