i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
