I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
