do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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