drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
where are you?
Hypothermia
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
