i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
