Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
