it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
