She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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