so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The best revenge is premature balding
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
