I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize