I'm jealous of your bromance
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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